Real-life scary things Indians experience!
“Yay, it’s Halloween month!” said no Indian mother ever, as they shake their heads and ‘tsk-tsk’ at their children getting more excited about a gora festival than the ones in their own culture. So we will respect that by not giving too much attention to Halloween but instead celebrate its spooky spirit by talking about real-life scary things Indians experience (with fear of our mothers being the first example).
There’s not enough food at an event
If there’s one thing Indians do well, it’s feeding people. But horror of horrors, maybe your cook is off for the day, or you underestimated the number of guests attending. Suddenly the serving platters are only sparsely filling up half the table. It will be a trick, definitely not a treat, when people comment that they left your house hungry.
Au-naturale hair
You won’t need to wear a scary costume if the rain, humidity, or beach weather puffs up your hair and there’s no beauty salon in sight. Not to mention if there’s a social event planned when you’re in between hair washes. If only P’Kung could fly in on her magic broomstick whenever you need her.
When the cake at the party isn’t eggless
There’s nothing more terrifying than wanting some dessert to satisfy your sweet tooth, but the new fast you’re keeping means you must be completely vegan. It will all be worth it though for the blessings that will come to you.
Explaining to your waxing lady that you shaved between appointments
Actually, you don’t even have to say it. The wizardry of the waxing lady means they can spot the stubble from a mile away and it will be your own fault if you’re cursed with ingrown hair.
Your chai is warm
If it’s not served as if it was bubbling hot from a cauldron, then what’s the point of life? Chai can never be hot enough, and each sip should feel like a fiery hug that soothes your soul.
When your in-laws are in a mood
Maybe they feel that you don’t visit them enough or you have too many silly rules about feeding your kids sugar, but in-laws can sometimes show their devil horns (even though they are always angels, really!) But if you’re not married then you’re lucky to not have to deal with this. But that means…
Not being married
Of all the ghoulish frights you could ever go through, not being married, or worse, not wanting to get married, will make all the days of your single life reminiscent of 31 October. Beware!
An unreformed party girl and mother of two, author, editor and observer Sumati Huber tries to make sense of our unique Thai-Indian society and the aunties that she will one day become.
