Sumati Huber gives a peek behind the curtain into the lies that Indians tell.

BY SUMATI HUBER

Lies Indians Tell

Now, we aren’t questioning the integrity and ethics of our lovely community. But there are some traits we Indians possess that may occasionally require us to tell a little lie to help preserve our reputation. If you ever find yourself in the following situations, you may have heard or even used these fibs:

The situation: A dinner party.
The lie: How the food was prepared.

Indians take immense pride in serving their esteemed guests only the best homemade food that tastes Michelin-worthy. In order to flaunt their culinary status, they may sometimes alter the truth that the food was made with absolutely no oil, sugar, or salt, and used only the best organic ingredients flown in from a small village off the coast of Italy. Everything is “healthy”, made with love, and god forbid, never ever catered because we do not believe in “outside food”.

The situation: Relationships.
The lie: Who you are dating.

Dating? We don’t even know what that word means because no way would we ever start a relationship unless it was for a marriage arranged by our families. If we are seen with someone, they are definitely our “study partner” and we were holding hands over candlelight to mentally prepare for our “physics exam”. And the person we are constantly texting late into the night? You’re mistaken, that’s us typing out the draft for our admission application to medical school.

The situation: Time management.
The lie: Your estimated time of arrival.

We can blame traffic all we want, but punctuality is not high on the list of things Indians find important. A meeting time is viewed merely as a suggestion, not a binding condition. However that doesn’t stop us from messaging, “On the way, be there soon!” when we are very much not on the way and still sitting in our towel on the bed staring at the wall. But hey, you can always blame traffic again.

The situation: Money.
The lie: How much we pay for things.

Chasing the best deals could be an Olympic sport in which Indians will definitely win gold. No one wants to admit that they paid 100 baht for a kilo of tomatoes when the next shop is selling it for only 50 baht. So we boast how we are amazing at finding things for cheap, how little salary we pay our staff for fantastic service, and all the times we have been successful at getting discounts. On the opposite end, we may also go overboard in inflating how much money we make at our jobs.

The situation: Parents.
The lie: How amazing their kids are.

Of course your little cherub is the best. No one doubts that — except maybe parents themselves. So they do preventative damage control by hyping up their fantastic children to anyone who will listen. Their kid learned to run as soon as they were born, is the smartest one at school, the CEO at their workplace, would never dream of getting a tattoo, and definitely does not drink alcohol. Oh, but you’re sure you saw them holding a bottle of whiskey at a bar? No, no, they were just taking it away from their “bad influence friends” to teach them about the dangers of drinking.

An unreformed party girl and mother of two, writer, editor and observer Sumati Huber tries to make sense of our unique Thai-Indian society and the aunties that she will one day become.