Good Grief!

BY GRACE CLARKE

Growing up, I often heard that life is a ‘gift’, a fleeting treasure to be cherished with reverence and care. Yet, the true depth of this sentiment often eludes us, hidden beneath the surface of our everyday existence. It’s a sentiment that seems almost too simple, a phrase repeated so often that it can become background noise rather than a resonant truth. It wasn’t until the day I encountered the profound silence of loss that this concept transformed into something tangible and real.

Grief, I discovered, is not merely an emotion but rather a solemn companion that appears in the lives of the young and the old alike. This universal emotion does not merely pass through, it is a quiet visitor that sits with us like an old friend over a cup of tea, offering solace in the midst of our heartache.

In the quiet moments of reflection, grief reveals itself as both a shadow and a light, a deep and unspoken understanding of the fragility of our human experience. In navigating this labyrinth of emotions, grief counselling becomes solace. Engaging in grief counselling offers an opportunity to navigate the complex emotions arising from loss and to address the enduring pain associated with anticipatory grief. While the traditional view often focuses on the stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – grief counselling offers a deeper exploration. It allows individuals to delve into their emotions, adjust to a changed reality, and transform pain into resilience.

To further explore this nuanced experience, we delved into the insights of Harjinder Kour, a Counselling Psychotherapist from Counselling Thailand. Known for its bilingual and multilingual therapy services across Thailand, the practice offers individual, couples, and family counselling, alongside specialised support for trauma, grief, identity, and more. Through her expertise, we further examine the transformative power of grief counselling, and its vital role in supporting those who navigate the challenging journey of loss.

What are the benefits of going to grief therapy?

Grief Therapy is about providing support on top of comfort. The goal of a grief therapist is to be a supportive presence the bereaved person can lean on. To assist in allowing the pain to exist, instead of searching for a silver lining. Grief counselling
offers numerous benefits, such as creating a safe environment, aiding in comprehending the grieving process, offering strategies for coping with loss, preventing complicated grief and associated mental health issues like depression or anxiety, and alleviating feelings of isolation. With therapeutic approaches such as active listening, acknowledgement, and validation, the therapist allows the person to grieve in a way that feels natural instead of pushing the person towards feeling better or overly encouraging them to be strong.

Grief is a universal emotion that people frequently encounter throughout their lives. In your opinion, why are
individuals so reluctant to seek counselling for it?

There are several reasons why people may not seek counselling for grief. Stigma surrounding mental health care often
discourages individuals, as it can be perceived as a sign of weakness. Cultural beliefs may also emphasise handling grief
privately or viewing it as a natural process that doesn’t involve seeking professional help. Additionally, a lack of awareness
about the benefits and availability of grief counselling, not recognising the severity of grief, and personal beliefs that one should manage grief independently, all contribute to this reluctance.

What is anticipatory grief and why do people seek counsel for it?

We experience loss in many ways, big and small – through death, traumatic events, pandemics, natural disasters, breakups,
unemployment, changes in one’s daily routine, and ups and downs with money and health, just to name a few. Anticipatory grief is one type of grief. It’s the grief that occurs before a significant loss, often experienced when someone is expecting the death of a loved one due to a terminal illness. This type of grief can encompass a range of emotions, such as anger, anxiety, fear, sadness, and guilt. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), working through multiple losses at the same time can be difficult, but more harmful if ignored. Understanding grief and loss helps people to work through it in a better way.

How can grief counselling benefit children and adolescents?

Most children recover from grief without any long-term emotional problems. Grief is a normal response, but for children who experience long-term levels of distress, the loss can cause a variety of complex feelings and behaviours such as sadness, disbelief, denial, anger, and changes in eating and sleeping habits. They may struggle to concentrate in school, or even have difficulty forming healthy relationships, thus affecting normal functioning.

Grief counselling can be particularly beneficial for children and adolescents through age-appropriate communication. This helps youngsters understand and process their feelings in a manner suitable for their developmental stage. By encouraging
emotional expression through counselling by way of play, art, or open discussion, it helps them process complex emotions and build resilience, while also improving communication and cohesion with people in their personal lives.

Counselling and mental health care are often viewed as taboo within the Thai-Indian community. How can we aid in changing this perception and normalising mental health and counselling?

There are a vast number of people of Indian origin in Thailand, and many of them have lived in the country for several generations. I feel such communities all over the world stay very closed to cultural and societal changes as they stay under added pressures to maintain their originality. This approach has also affected the perception of seeking counselling within the Thai-Indian community. However, change is happening, but sadly at a very slow pace.

There’s a lot of work to be done in the Thai-Indian community, and it will be a learning process centred around opening up and normalising mental health conversations. This process can start with a few key strategies. Firstly, through educating and raising awareness about mental health and debunking myths that counselling is a sign of weakness; it’s actually a testament to our capacity for love and connection. A great way to do this is through engaging community leaders to aid in advocating for mental health awareness, and normalising the act of sharing personal experiences. Additionally, providing culturally-sensitive counselling that respects the community’s values, sharing success stories, and making mental health services more accessible and affordable through community centres or schools will also be vital steps in assisting this journey.

How did you get started as a counsellor in this sector and what is your approach to helping people through their grief?

Honestly, I feel this sector chose me more than I chose this profession. I was at a crossroads of my life, during which I felt the need to learn and grow, and unleash my true self.

I wanted to move away from being a part of a predictable and repetitive family business. This is when I was served with the opportunity to study a Master’s in Psychotherapy and Counselling through my son’s school. The idea of Psychology excited me, so I took this opportunity with awe and gratitude. Thus, my journey began in this field, and it is still going strong. I began my career as a Counselling Psychotherapist out of a deep desire to help individuals navigate through distressing complex emotions associated with not just general mental health, but specifically with grief and loss issues. Through my work tenure in various types of settings, seeing individuals healing from their grief(s) and losses, and not just living but thriving, is such a humbling experience.

My approach to guiding people through their grief is rooted in empathy, compassion, and education, creating a supportive space where clients feel understood and valued. I focus on individualised care, tailoring counselling techniques to each person’s unique experience of grief by employing holistic methods like cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT), mindfulness, and creative therapies such as Narrative Therapy and Visualisation.

Seeking counselling for grief is not a sign of weakness. Instead, it can be likened to learning a new sport or skill, where we explore the sophisticated human mechanism, and train ourselves toward emotional resilience and better mental health.

If you or a dear one is interested in seeking counseling, reach out to Counselling Thailand for professional assistance.
Tel: 098 776 8857 | counsellingthailand.com