Aunty D advises you on matters of love and life.

NO BIG DEAL

Dear Aunty D,

I’m a proud homemaker and mum, and I like to think that I’ve been a good one over the years – there’s never been a day where the kids didn’t have a tiffin full of healthful but delicious food to bring to school, I’ve kept the peace in our joint family home, and my rotis have even always been perfectly round! However, now that the kids are grown, I’ve been feeling a little insignificant. Everyone has a fancy job title, dinner table talk is all about the deals they’ve made at work, and they’re constantly running off to office – no one wants to sit with me and play canasta anymore, and I can’t help but feel like my contributions are considered trivial. What should I do?

Dear No Big Deal,

Except for us senti human mums, all other species liberate their fledglings completely after teaching them enough to survive and thrive on their own. You’ve successfully achieved that objective by making them self-sufficient, setting them and yourself free from interdependence. As mums, we are an indispensable cog, though incognito, in the wheel of a smoothly running household. Please rest assured, Mummy dear, that there’s a huge corner reserved just for you in the hearts of your children, but unfortunately mum is also the last person the child looks back on to say, ‘thank you.’ Even Lord Krishna never looked back nor visited Yashoda, the mum who brought him up, except to say bye near the end of his days on earth.

TO BINDI OR NOT TO BINDI?

Dear Aunty D,

My husband is very traditional, and I actually love that about him. I know he’s not everyone’s cup of chai, but I love that he likes to make the big decisions for both of us (although he always consults me!), and he considers it his job to take care of me. We’ve only been married a few weeks but so far, it’s been heavenly. The one issue I have is that he insists that I wear a bindi whenever I step out of the house, even when I’m dressed in western attire. He usually takes my opinion into account, but in this instance, he’s proving very stubborn! Should I let it go, or should I stand my ground in case it’s a sign of how future disagreements will go?

Dear To Bindi or Not to Bindi,

Wadaii Ho! You’ve just embarked on a significant and delicate journey in which two strangers place enough trust in each other to invest the rest of their respective lives. No marriage or co-existence needs to become a battleground when love, patience, and tolerance can sway the results to a common good without shedding a single drop of blood, and without the loss of face and dignity of both parties. Your pati or hubby dear loves you and is being possessive and although it’s just a little red dot, the bindi does announce that you are now married and belong to him and only him. For now, humour him, then slowly and with tact, let it fade away into oblivion.

DOOMSDAY DEV

Dear Aunty D,

I’ve known my mate since we went to international school together, and we’ve been best friends since. However, ever since we’ve both come back from uni, he’s turned into the most fear-mongering, whiney person I know. I don’t know if it’s because of the COVID-19 pandemic, or the fact that he’s always scrolling through Reddit, or even the people he’s met in uni, but suddenly everything is a sign of the upcoming apocalypse. How do I tell him that he’s kind of a drag, and actually, no one wants to hang out with him anymore?

Dear Doomsday Dev,

Thanks to Corona, the whole world is sitting on a cusp of uncertainty and fear. Although superficially, it seems that everybody is going through the same phase, each of us have our own specific difficulties and unequal resources on which to fall back onto, or on which to plan the future. So, while it’s good to be supportive, there’s only so much you can do before you yourself risk sinking into the quick mire yourself. As his ‘good’ friend, you need to sit him down and explain to him that the vortex he’s digging himself into is deep and gets deeper the more he dwells on it. Please nudge him and assist him into seeking professional help.