Aunty D helps you navigate life, love, and sticky-fingered children.

Be Less Frank, Sinatra

Dear Auntie D,

I’ve had this friend in my share group for a few years now, but it’s only after spending time away from her during the various lockdowns that I’ve realised how much she dictates everything that we do. She always picks whose house we’ll go to, the cuisine that we’ll eat, and exactly how much we should spend during each share. At first we loved the fact that she’d handle logistics, but now that we’ve got varying levels of how comfortable we are meeting up, we’ve realised that actually, it’s her way or the highway. She’s no Frank Sinatra so why is “My Way” the soundtrack to her life?

Dear Be Less Frank, Sinatra,

Well, the lockdown closed a lot of doors, but it also meant a lot of time for retrospection which removed plenty of blockages of the mind and opened our eyes to a lot of things we were doing without thinking. Since you and your share group were happily dancing to this friend’s ‘soundtrack,’ she continued playing it, but now that you know better, it’s about time that you create your own music with which to dance to.

The Little Prince

Dear Auntie D,

My three-year-old is very opinionated and knows his own mind, which my wife and I encourage. Recently, however, he’s decided that he won’t leave the house without wearing some form of makeup, usually lipstick, and a bindi. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to let my kids explore their identity in whichever way they choose, but I don’t know if he’s just copying his mum, whom he’s very close to, or if this is a legitimate expression of who he is. I also know that society still isn’t as welcoming of difference as we would like. Should I talk to him about it, or just allow him to be himself?   

Dear The Little Prince,

It’s a changing world in which our children live in, where identities can be a little blurred. While it’s a confusing time in any child’s life, at the same time, they now have unprecedented freedom to explore their own identity and orientation. Refrain from making too big a fuss over it – start by saying makeup isn’t good for anybody’s skin, not even mummies, and especially for kids’ delicate skin. But if he’s insistent, let him try it at home, all on his own, and refrain from making assumptions and saying, you look like a girl, or you look so pretty. Your test is how well you hold your reactions and tongue.

Klepto Coming Clean

Dear Auntie D,

Just the other day, I found my daughter playing with a toy that wasn’t hers – and I remember finding it odd because it was one that I was planning to buy her for her birthday. When I asked her about it, she reluctantly told me that she’d ‘rescued’ it from a friend, and when I told her that’s stealing, which is wrong, she then went into her room and brought out a box of toys that she’d also ‘rescued’ from other chidlren. I don’t think she understands the gravity of the situation. How do I address this?

Dear Klepto Coming Clean,

It’s sensitive ground you are treading, so don’t overreact, or she’ll go back into her shell. She needs to understand the boundaries of what’s hers and what belongs to others, and tap into her empathy of how she’d feel if somebody ‘rescued’ her favourite toy without asking for her consent.  Actions have consequences, and not-so-good actions have consequences that are not so pleasant. You’ll need to support her with the guts to return those ‘rescued’ things back to their rightful owners and an apology is well due too. She might lose dignity and friends for a short while, but eventually, she’ll have built on her character which will serve her for a lifetime.